A lot of the time,
When I'm home,
Alone,
I worry
About who
Or what
I am.

I look
At myself
In photos
Posted online
Years ago.

Where
Have I
Gone?

What
Have I
Done?

Where did
That kid
Go
To take
Away
That
Smile?

And in
Recent photos
You will
Not
See
Me,
At least,
Not who
 I 
Want you
To see.

And I am
Scared
And I am
Worried
That I
Will never
Be seen
For who
 I 
Want to
Be seen
As
Again.

And I am
Scared
And I am
Afraid
And I am
Horrified
And I am
Petrified
And I am
Paralyzed
And I am
Broken
And I am
Record
And I am
And I am
And I am
And I am
And I am
Because I
Am
Not
Who I
Was
Because I
Am
Not
Who I
Became
Because I
Am
Not
Thing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Because I
Am
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Because
I
Was
Broken
And
Never
Fixed

I have been waiting over a year for therapy.
I signed up
In late 2023
And have been waiting ever since
Because my mother
Cannot afford it
On her own.
I cannot
Bring myself
To ask my father
For assistance
Because he needs
A whole son
 And I am not that
But I can
Act like it
When I am with him.
And during my last doctor's appointment
I brought up the subject
To the doctor
Who said
He would try
To help
But he
Could not
Try
My father's
Insurance
Because I
And my mother
Asked him
Not to.
And he did not.
But
Another
Company did.
And I
Told my father
It was
Nothing
And he
Should not
Worry
About it.
A mix
Up.
And
I am
Still waiting
For therapy.
And
I am
Still feeling
Broken.
And
I am
Still feeling
Like I am
Falling
And
Falling
And
F alling
And
 F all ing
And
  F  al l  ing
And
   F   al  l   i ng
Further
And
Further
And feeling
Like I
Am
Nothing.
And
I
Would
Just
Like
To
Go
Somewhere
Away
From
Here
Because
I
Cannot
Handle
This
World
For
What
It
Has
Done
To
Me
I
Want
To
Rid
Myself
And
My
Pain
And
I
Want
To
Rid
Myself
Rid
Myself
Rid
Myself
Rid
Myself
Rid
Myself
Rid
Myself
Forever
Until
I
Am
Forgotten
And
Gone
Forever
And
Gone
And
Rid
And
Done
And
Done
Good
Bye
World
I
Wish
You
Died,
World,
You
Hurt
Me.
You
Hurt
Me.
Do
You
Know
How
Much
How
Hard
How
Harsh
How
Harm
Ful
This
World
Has
Been
To
Me?
Do
You
Know
What
It
Is
Like
To
Wake
Up
At
Two
A
M
Crying
Because
You
Remember
His
Hands
His
Arms
His
Eyes
His
Breath
His
Anger
His
Anger
His
Fingers
Around
My
Neck
I
Cannot
Breathe
I
Cannot
Touch
The
Floor
Please
Let
Me
Down
Please
Let
Me
Breathe
I
Need

Shay is pounding on his shoulder
Screaming
For him to let me go
But he does not
He does not
I am
Off
The ground
And I am
Struggling
To
Stay
Awake
And my family
Is
Behind
Him
He is
Ignoring
Them
Glaring
Into
Me
He
Is
Glaring
Into
Me
He
Is
Not
Letting
Go
He
Is
Not
Releasing
Me
I
Am
Not
Released
Now
Even
From
His
Grasp
On
Me
I
Am
Stuck
And
Tears
Are
Hiding
In
My
Eyes
Thinking
Of
The
Time
And
Remembering
How
He
Held
Me
There
For
Eternity
Eternity.