Hello Internet,
I'm scared of the future. I never know what will happen next. In less than a year I plan to cut relations with my father's family. I plan to cut them out. I don't really know how that's going to go. I'm scared they're going to yell at me in some way. I'm scared of how my dad will look at me. I'm scared of how my grandparents will think of me. I'm so scared. I cannot handle the emotions I feel whenever I think about it. I cannot handle what's going to happen. You should see the way my dad looks at my older sibling. Disgust. Revulsion. Will he look at me that way? I don't have any plans for my future career. I tell people I'll do freelance coding, but I don't really want to. I don't like thinking about the future. I don't even remember my past. How the hell am I supposed to work in a society when I don't work with it? My entire life is hidden to me because of my own stupid brain. Do you know how much it sucks to not remember your entire childhood only a few years after it happens? Everything was blocked off, for a time, to be honest. I've opened up. Writing - poetry - has really helped. My mom says that for a long time it was like I didn't have any emotions. I do know. Mostly sadness. And tiredness. I'm so tired. All the time. Even after I get good sleep. It's in my bones.
See you next time, Internet.